The Pursuit of Happiness
An Overrated Goal?
I saw this tweet yesterday and it did not sit right with me. It inspired what you are about to read.
There is some truth to this quote by Oliver Burkeman. What he’s describing has been called The Law of Reversed Effort by Aldous Huxley. The more we strive for something, the further away it gets.
While this can be true, I find it better to consciously aim for happiness everyday. It’s hard enough to reach and maintain; without focus, I have no chance. As Naval Ravikant once said “I’ve gone from being a mostly unhappy person to being very happy. That was deliberate. It was practiced and effort-based.”
Happiness Versus Satisfaction
Marc Andreessen is a businessman and former software engineer. He is the co-author of Mosaic, the first widely used web browser with a graphical user interface; co-founder of Netscape; and co-founder and general partner of Silicon Valley venture capital firm Andreessen Horowitz.
Marc Andreessen: Future of the Internet, Technology, and AI | Lex Fridman Podcast #386
Almost one year ago, he appeared on the Lex Fridman podcast. Toward the end of the conversation, Lex asks him about the secret to happiness in life; this is the dialogue that follows, starting at (3:02:42):
Marc: I don't think happiness is the thing.
Lex: To strive for?
Marc: I think satisfaction is the thing.
Lex: That just sounds like happiness, but turned down a bit.
Marc: No deeper. So happiness is a walk in the woods at sunset, an ice cream cone, a kiss. The first ice cream cone is great. The thousandth ice cream cone, not so much. At some point the walks in the woods get boring.
Lex: What's the distinction between happiness and satisfaction?
Marc: I think satisfaction is a deeper thing, which is like having found a purpose and fulfilling it, being useful.
My issue with Andreessen’s approach is that he puts such emphasis on satisfaction that he has potentially lost his ability to appreciate the little things in life. He seems to equate happiness to the pursuit of fleeting pleasures. I define happiness as being joyful, grateful and at peace with one's life on a moment to moment basis. And I see these “fleeting pleasures” as the things that make life worth living - a “walk in the woods at sunset, an ice cream cone, a kiss.” Sure, they may seem less special the thousandth time you experience them, but this is why aiming for happiness and the practice of being happy are important. Being grateful and present for these moments will make them seem less trivial. Lastly, I believe one can simultaneously prioritize happiness and fulfill their life's purpose, they are not mutually exclusive.
As I thought about this yesterday an anecdote from “Buffett: the Making of An American Capitalist” came to mind.
“Buffett was not a hero, only a hope; not a myth, only a man. Despite his broad wit, he was strangely stunted. When he went to Paris, his only reaction was that he had no interest in sight seeing and that the food was better in Omaha. His talent sprang from his ability to focus on his work and shut out the world, yet those same qualities exacted a toll. Once, when Buffett was visiting the publisher Katharine Graham on Martha’s Vineyard, a friend remarked on the beauty of the sunset. Buffett replied that he hadn't focused on it, as though it were necessary for him to exert a deliberate act of concentration to "focus" on a sunset. Even at his California beachfront vacation home, Buffett would work every day for weeks and not go near the water.”1
Buffett, another remarkable individual, who I admire greatly, put his work before all else. To the point that he had difficulty appreciating the beauty of a simple sunset. At times, it put strains on his family life as well. If I want to learn about how to invest money wisely in the stock market there is not a single person more qualified than Buffett. If I want to learn about internet startups and software development, there is not a single person more qualified than Andreessen. And while both of these individuals have clearly found ways to live life that allows them to be happy, I would not look to them for advice on how to be happy. I appreciate sunsets and walks in the woods and kissing my wife. These are things that make me happy. I refuse to take them for granted.
What the “Practice of Happiness” Looks Like For Me
Take Care of Myself/Help others:
I find that the more I take care of myself (eat well, sleep well, exercise, meditate, drink less alcohol, etc.), the better I can show up for others and try to be of service to them. This is one of the easiest ways to improve happiness that I’ve found: helping others.
Be Grateful for Myself and Everything Else in My Life:
For many years, I’ve tried to write down a few things I’m grateful for each day, or at least take some time to think about them.
One mantra I have although I’m not particularly religious is, “Dear Lord, thank you for today, thank you for my wife, and daughters and friends and family, please help them all be happier, healthier and more at peace if you can. Thank you Lord, Amen.”
I spend a lot of time thinking about how I can be a better person and I do things to try and make it so. More often I should stop and be grateful for who I am right now. Maybe there are aspects of myself and things I don’t need to change and I should focus on these, and appreciate them.
What are the things about myself that I like and do not want to change?
Notice When I’m Ruminating. Stop Ruminating:
Notice when I get worked up over some hypothetical interaction between myself and someone else and how it can destroy focus and good moods. When I notice this happening, Stop. Take a deep breath. Reset.
Most of the narrative that occurs in our head is hypothetical shit that will never actually happen in the future, or something from the past that only we remember or care about.
A Helpful Quote to Close:
“Patience, Joy, Gratitude. Imagine you have knobs in your mind governing these 3 attitudes, and you can just turn them up. You can actually do that. Simply be twice as patient and joyful and grateful.”
-Sam Harris
Lowenstein, Rodger, Buffett: the Making of An American Capitalist, (4)
I agree with u that Marc A's definition of happiness is flawed. Then again, many things he's been saying these days are, so don't take it seriously 😂
A mate very recently me told me smth about a certain pursuit of mine, which was in essence the law of reverse effort (leave it, wait for it to come). I told him that's a ridiculous idea 😆 If something is hard to attain when you're spending [correct] effort on it, it'll be damn near impossible if u just don't do anything!