My Search For Meaning
Is there anything more important than being happy?
I’ve frequently asked myself and others this question. The obvious answer for most is yes, of course there are more important things than being happy. Things like family, love, purpose, satisfaction, or meaning are more important than happiness, right?
My point with this question is that happiness is very important, and I find that many people seem to pay little mind to it or think it’s an unattainable, shallow, or selfish thing to prioritize.
Sometimes if it feels right, I ask people, “Are you happy?” Usually, for a moment or two, the person will look at me like I’ve just asked them to reveal some deep dark secret. Then, it’s like a wave passes over them and they generally say something like “Yes, but not as happy as I’d like to be,” or, “I don’t know, I haven’t thought about it.”
News Flash!
Happiness is not something that just happens. But somehow this has become a pervasive narrative. “Find your purpose.” “Work hard.” “Keep your nose on the grindstone,” and happiness will be a side effect...
No.
What will happen is your entire life will pass you by. You will give most of your waking hours to some company whose CEO has no idea who you are, and the rest to your family and friends. You will give only of yourself and not to yourself. You will toil your life away and then you’ll die; having never asked yourself: Am I happy? Is this what I want to be doing?
This is not meant to sound morbid or pessimistic, in fact, quite the opposite. Part of the problem as I see it, is that in the modern Western world, we live in denial of death. Such that when it does come, we’re all blindsided. This does not mean we need to engage in hedonism and drink and smoke and fuck our lives away. It means we should find the things that make us happy, or alive, or joyful, and do those things. And avoid the things that drain us, and make us sad and angry. It will not be easy. The system is not set up for this approach.
I find that most people do not prioritize happiness, and I think this is a mistake. Why that’s the case, I do not know. Maybe that’s a topic for another day.
In a previous essay I said, “To me, nothing is more important than my own happiness.”
I felt that it was a counterintuitive statement, and it was meant to be a bit divisive. My idea was that it sounds selfish, but actually it’s not. Similar to the parent putting on their own oxygen mask before their child’s on an airplane. The way I see it, if you are happy, every aspect of your life is better, and you’re better able to serve others, which is likely the foundation of anyone’s purpose.
My personal experience is that when I focus on trying to be happy, and I do the things to help make it so, over time, it tends to work.
So I ask again, is there anything more important than being happy?
What I’ve realized is that it’s the wrong question. Being happy is great. Having a purpose is great. Perhaps for some people, the purpose of life is to seek happiness. I believe one can simultaneously prioritize happiness and fulfill their life's purpose; they are not mutually exclusive, while one does not necessarily lead to the other.
I think the question of what’s more important, happiness, purpose, love, etc., is a dead end and a waste of time. Usually, for different people it boils down to semantics and disposition. People have different definitions and understandings of these words and place different levels of importance on them based on their life situation, disposition, experience, etc.
We all want to have purpose. We all want to be happy. We all want to be loved. Many disagreements around what’s most important are really just about the fact that people use different words to describe the same thing. We all want to love and be loved. We all want to feel useful. We all want to help other people.
At this point I can say that for me, love is one of the few things that’s more important than happiness. Love transcends all of this. So what love I have to give to my family and friends and the world I will give, and hopefully get some in return.
Thank you for reading!
Enjoy the rest of your day!
-Sam
❤️