My COVID Journal
See the Early Days of the Pandemic Through my Eyes
I’ve been keeping a journal for about ten years now. It’s been an incredibly rewarding practice.
Recently, I went back and read my journal entries from 2020. It reminded me what it felt like to be alive in that moment. How it felt trying to navigate all the madness.
I thought it might be fun and perhaps useful to publish them here.
These are my covid journal entries from 2020. A raw and honest depiction of my thoughts, feelings, and emotions from that time.
I hope they may serve as a window into the past.
Enjoy!
Friday, February 28, 2020 - 6:27 PM
There is a virus that seems to be sweeping the world at the moment. At times, I feel it is being blown out of proportion. Other times, I feel it is being undersold in severity. Either way, it is very unsettling. I’ve seen this movie before. It’s becoming palpable - the fear in people. I've seen some people wearing respirators. Everywhere you go, people are asking if you've been to China recently. Wuhan, I believe.
I strained my neck yesterday and I feel like Kris Kristofferson. I have no way to hold my head that it doesn't hurt. I am grateful for my neck, and I hope it heals up soon because this sucks.
I forgot to mention they're calling it the Coronavirus.
Sunday, March 15th, 2020 - 10:53 PM
The Coronavirus, or COVID-19 as they’re calling it, was ruled a pandemic by the CDC on Wednesday. March Madness was canceled. Basically all sports, high school, college, and pro, are either canceled or on hold.
There is a severe shortage of toilet paper and many other things due to people stockpiling. Also a new term I keep hearing, “social distancing.” Which we are all supposed to be doing. I just found out our gym is closed indefinitely. UW Madison and MATC are extending spring break for a week or so, which theoretically started yesterday.
I’m so swamped with schoolwork I don't know what to make of any of this. I probably wouldn't either way, but it is absolute madness.
It's hard to know who to listen to, let alone have an idea of what the future holds. Everyone wants to make predictions. I am tired. I am grateful for my wife. Good night.
Thursday, March 19th, 2020 - 10:21 PM
This virus stuff is still absolute madness. The government has shut down most businesses unless they are deemed “essential.” I work in the biotech industry so I’m allowed to work. The roads are empty when I drive to work in the morning. I consider myself lucky though. Some people either have to exhaust their sick and vacation time, or just not get paid. Others are lucky enough to be able to work from home.
People are acting totally crazy, saying people must remain six feet apart at all times. They say that and then walk right by someone. I'm kind of at a loss for words on how to explain this pandemic and what to think about it, besides hoping I don't get it. So I will say this, I am grateful for my body and all of its systems.
Fear
What is it to fear? Is it to be afraid simply? Is it wisdom, cowardice, neither? It may keep us alive, but it may also kill us. Slowly. Day by day.
Sunday, March 29th, 2020 - 11:19 PM
Looking back at the last two or three weeks, it's hard to distinguish them, or the days within them as separate. They all just kind of blend together into one blur. I’m hoping this social distancing stuff ends soon, hoping the virus dies down, and is not as serious as some think it might be. I have no idea, but I don't think anyone else does either.
I will try to write something every night this week. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that I am ready to be done with school. I'm grateful for my mother, and I love her very much.
Monday, March 30th, 2020
Today, I am grateful for my father. I have been somewhat worried about him recently. He smokes a pack a day. He does not think COVID-19 is a big problem, and that everyone is stupid. He is right on one of those.
But nonetheless, I am grateful for him and love him very much.
Thursday, April 2nd, 2020 - 10:56 PM
It is hard for me to look to the future right now. Between the pandemic, school, work, our house, and life, there is a lot of uncertainty, not just for myself but for everyone. I really should start planning what my next move will be. After I finish school in July, Lord willing, I will start searching online for job opportunities, as well as soul-searching to decide what I will do. Today, I am grateful for my wife, who is sitting right across from me, working from home right now due to the virus. I will also look to her for inspiration as to what mine and her next chapter will look like.
Saturday, April 4th, 2020 - 11:30 PM
My friend Jake got engaged today. He was the best man at our wedding. I'm happy for him and Ashley. It's just a very strange time to be alive right now. I did homework for most of the day, went jogging with Katie at the Verona cross-country trail, then had a Zoom video chat thing with my sister, brother-in-law, and parents.
That's about the size of it right now.
I'm fucking tired. Good night.
Wednesday, April 8th, 2020 - 11:43 PM
Yesterday at work, on my morning break, I took a walk around the area, which not long ago was all agriculture and prairie. Now they are developing all of it. They're building a neighborhood of identical boxes, a mega church, and a giant condo/store/ whatever the fuck.
I saw one last field amidst all this and I wrote this poem:
The Crickets
Surrounded on all sides by the destruction of man. The crickets cry out in defiant despair. There is nothing they can do, To stop the ceaseless tide of “progress.” In this final field they will make their last stand using the only weapon they have at their disposal. Their collective voice. And they will cry out until the bitter end.
Thursday, April 9th, 2020 - 11:09 PM
We have several leaks in our roof. I tried to fix them today. I don't think I succeeded, but I am hopeful. Turns out it’s harder to pull up shingles than I anticipated.
I got no homework done. I did have to go to the store and make dinner. I also went for a three-mile run. So that's not nothing, I guess.
At the store, there were more people wearing masks and gloves than not. At Home Depot, same thing. It’s fascinating that people do that. I don't really get it, but maybe I'm the crazy one for not wearing them.
It seems that this virus might be getting a little better overall. We shall see…
I was going to say, I don’t think it will ever go back to normal once this is all over, but I actually think that it will. I just cannot believe the way this has made people act. The dishwasher soap was sold out at the store today, and we are out of dishwasher soap.
Today I am grateful for my uncle, Bruce. He's a good, funny man. And as imperfect as the rest of us.
Sunday, April 26th, 2020 - 11:41 PM
This semester has just about ruined me. I don't recall what I did each day last week after work, and I can't distinguish last week from any of the several preceding weeks.
At least we’re all in quarantine, so I’m not missing out on all that much.
Katie, my lovely wife, will be done with school this week, forever. She’s one test away from being a Nurse Practitioner. I should tell her more often how cool that is. As for me, I need to remember two words which I have been forgetting recently. Finish Strong. I have two months left of school.
Today I am grateful for my dad.
Wednesday, May 11th, 2020 - 11:20 PM
The world is still a very strange place right now during this pandemic. It's always strange. But now it is a different sort of strange.
I just saw a series of commercials about COVID and how Company X has our back and it will be okay, just buy Company X’s product.
About two-thirds of people out in public are wearing some sort of mask now. I decided a long time ago I am part of the no-mask camp based on my natural inclination against it and things I’ve heard from experts like Michael Osterholm. I felt vindicated today after hearing Dr. Anthony Fauci say people should not be wearing masks.
Ha!
Mask people seem to feel like they have a moral high ground. I think part of the draw is wanting to fit in and not stick out. The CDC did say people should be wearing masks a while back. I'm not sure why. All I heard was a corrupt organization spewing bullshit. Fuck a mask.
Today I am grateful for my friend Ryan.
Tuesday, June 2nd, 2020 - 11:37 PM
About a week ago or so, a cop in Minneapolis suffocated a black man named George Floyd who had been arrested, by putting his knee on his neck while he was on the ground. Several other cops watched.
This was captured on video and now America and the world are demanding justice. There have been protests going on for a while now. Last Thursday, they turned to violence and looting. There have been riots all over the country, including here in Madison.
We had some friends over the other night. The local news was on and we watched as mobs of masked rioters burned and looted State Street. They lit a cop car on fire while the cops stood and watched.
All of this while we were just thinking the Coronavirus was on the downswing (I was at least). I still do, but it will be interesting to see how the virus spreads with all of the contact in these protests/riots. If it is not a terrible increase, pro-mask people will say it is because all of these people were wearing masks. Maybe, but I doubt it. I barely know what's going on with any of it, because I'm trying to get through my final two classes as a UW undergrad. Maybe I should prioritize knowing more about these issues, but I have made it a habit to avoid diving into them.
So far 2020 has been a pretty shitty year for civilization. Meanwhile, I'm just trying to get through school. I barely know what's going on. I am also becoming cynical about these issues and I need to fight that easy way out.
One last thing. Today I am grateful for Katie.
Saturday August 29th, 2020 - 10:06 PM - Molas Lake Campground, Colorado
Katie and I drove about eleven hours today and made it to our campsite for the next four nights. En route to our final destination of Las Vegas for Jake and Ashley’s wedding.
There are no campfires allowed in Colorado right now, so that’s great. We’re camping and can’t have a fire. Also, we’re in the San Juan Mountains and everyone is walking around in their covid masks. What a joke.
But this place is beautiful, so it will be good. I'm grateful for my wife and these mountains.
Thursday, September 10th, 2020 - 9:50 PM
This covid saga is getting out of control and has led to about half the population traveling about the earth with their heads shoved one hundred percent up their assholes. Nobody knows how to act or what to do, so we wear masks and pretend to try to stand apart, and I'm just sick of it. But I have to live in this world, so I will make the most of it.
I have to remember to accept if I am wrong about all this. If all these scared idiots were right by blind luck. I will admit I was wrong. I am grateful for Emma today.
Thursday, December 3rd, 2020 - 10:58 PM
Today, I'm grateful for my sister. She has asked me to not see anyone outside of work and not go to the gym next week so she can come up and visit. And I told her that basically, her request is contradicting to common sense. And I wonder if she is the crazy one, or if I am, but I still love her and hope that I don't upset her.
Wednesday, December 23rd, 2020 - 11:33 PM
One thing that many, many, probably the majority of people these days say is “stay safe,” or some variation of that as a sort of farewell. I find it very confusing and troubling, even more so because I have seen close friends and coworkers say it. Basically, I think it means “follow the COVID protocols so you don't get me sick.” I think it's also just a simple low-hanging fruit of a way to say goodbye. This is just one of the many pandemic speak ways that people use to communicate these days. There's undoubtedly some profound psychological shit happening on a large scale at this time, and in many ways, it's just fucking annoying more than anything.
Today I am grateful for my cousin, Lilly.
Monday, December 28th, 2020 - 10:09 PM
2020 is almost over. I thought it was a pretty decent year. Everyone talks about how bad it was constantly. I feel stronger than ever that the collective mentality and many widely accepted things in human society are nonsense and dangerous. My new goal is to become wealthy, so I do not have to be a part of it. I will invest and create until I and my family are sovereign, and that is all. I will also work to be happy and help others to be happy and feel alive.
Today, I am grateful for Jenny, Jane and Sarah.
Thank you for reading!
Enjoy the rest of your day!
-Sam
That was an eye opener to go back in time. Also cannot believe we’ve traveled 5 years since the beginning of that mess. It’s been a wild quarter of a century.
Glad you took honest notes during this time. I wish I had been more meticulous in journaling it. It was indeed strange.
Some things I'd point out - Gal Gadot made a video with all her celebrity friends and sang a beetles song and it changed my world forever!! :)
And why did we stockpile toilet paper?!
Insane how much growth Amazon made during that time, the pandemic was literally the best thing that could have ever happened to their sales model. Sad how much small businesses closed during that time.